YOUR SHADOW SCARES ME.

i don know why. i'm still crying before i sleep. i've been praying. so damn hard. and trying just as hard. just to forget you. do you honestly think you can stand just watching in from the sidelines? i don't think so. you're just going to let her go? i don't think so. but when you talk to her on sat. i'll be waiting. just in case you need me. just don't kill anyone during soccer. if you need to cry. i'll be around. to comfort you. if you give me a call. i'll be there. i'll even skip mass. if you need me to be there. i will be.
i don't want to keep hiding from what i really feel inside. its the cause of my current insanity right now. enough of this brave front. enough of hiding and getting more and more miserable every single time. i don't need this. i want to run away. like pet did. but this time. i never want to return. simple run away. no judgement. no pain. nothing. but tis just escaping. runnign away from the pain. there's nothing good in running away. but there is nothing good in staring the problem in the face either. i don't know how to handle my problems. and i want to go help others. i can't even be strong for myself. and here i am. being the pillar of strength towards others. i need people. but more people need me. there's pet. and claire. maybe him. i don't know. it just feels that i have to be there. its like i'm responsible for their welfare. i don't know. i'm kinda confused. by everything. i have no control in my life now. no control of my emotions. and the things i see. i need a release. i hope that by going to amplify would help me. i hope God will help me. i want him to go too. so he can feel better about himself.

today's class is horrible. i just want t give up. i feel so stupid at ths moment. someone kill me please.